antidote to 2020: why not me?

Me with my editor

Any Starsky and Hutch fans out there? If so, you may remember the guy in the photo above.

 But Paul Michael Glaser’s greatest legacy isn’t that he was a 70’s TV star, but rather that the death of his young daughter Ariel from AIDS in 1988 spurred he and his wife Elizabeth to start the first Pediatric Aids Foundation. All these years later it has all but eradicated mother to child transmission of HIV and helped millions of kids survive, including their son Jake.

 But what does this have to do with you and me?

 Well, we’re in the middle of another pandemic. (AIDS was seen as a pandemic too.) And this pandemic has also wreaked havoc on our economy, our jobs, our mental health, and our democracy.

 For me, it’s been the year that I’ve had to change most of my life, which included descending into real estate and financial hell. I won’t bore you with the details, but come September I’d reached my limit. I was wallowing in resentment, fear, and despair.

 Finally, a bit before Thanksgiving I had a lightbulb moment.

I remembered an interview with Jake Glaser, the baby in the photo, where he was asked how he deals with losing half his family to AIDS (Both mom Elizabeth and Ariel died) and being HIV positive his whole life. His response: “My dad. Every time I say “Why me?” my dad says, “Why not us?”

 That simple question, “Why not me?” helped me see what was causing me so much misery.

 Until now I’ve clung to the expectation that life should be fair. If you  do A, B, and C, you will get to D. You can control outcomes by being a good person and doing everything ‘right.’ So every time a bad thing happens to a good person, or to me, I fight it. I deny it. I howl at God and the universe and whomever seems responsible. Does this resistance change anything? Yes. It makes me suffer more. It robs me of my peace of mind.

 That simple question: Why not me? Helped me finally accept that life isn’t fair. That as the Buddhists say: “Pain is mandatory, but suffering is optional.”

 It dashed a lot of expectations I didn’t even know I had. And though I’m still stuck in chaos, it doesn’t weigh on me the way it did.

 FYI: For westerners this concept of acceptance can get a bad rap. It doesn’t mean giving up on dreams, or to stop living your life to the best of your ability, it just means doing it from a calmer center. It means that life’s challenges don’t throw you for a loop as much as they might.

 For more insights on how to preserve your peace of mind in the middle of a storm, check out Michael Singer’s book, the Untethered Soul.

Click the image to explore the book.

We all need as many tools in our toolbox as we can get to stay centered. What do you use to help you interact with life from a calm, healthy frame of mind?

RADICAL RESOURCES FROM THE LIBRARY: Winter survival kits! Check out which free kits your library is putting together for you and your family. Lots of us are making Winter Survival Kits that include hot cocoa and recipes on how to snazz it up, popcorn, links to book readalouds for different ages, lists of movies you can rent for free from Kanopy, a streaming services offered through you library, a craft and much more.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Since we’ve been blocked from going to theatres of all kinds, here’s a throwback to some of the greatest monologues you may have seen at a theatre near you in the good ole days. Click the image and enjoy!