I’ve never been great at the physical plane. Though I’d been blessed with a low-maintenance body, I resented having to take time out to eat or sleep, and avoided sports like the plague. (I managed to come down with a fever every year on Field Day. An all-day track and field competition at my elementary school, and my version of hell.)
That’s me on the right at 8 yrs old. Stylish wasn’t I?
In 6th grade I read Kurt Vonnegut’s story titled Unready to Wear. That’s where I discovered my hero, Dr. Ellis Konigswasser, the answer to my whines.
Dr. K is sick of having to tend to his body’s needs all the time, so he steps out of it! His mind spirit just floats in space. When he wants to do something physical, he just rents a body. Brilliant!
Problem was I couldn’t step out of my body, nor could I find the good doctor to help me.
Once my body became higher maintenance, as most bodies do, I got angry. Then I opted for denial. My ‘old’ body will come back, I insisted. This is just a phase. NOT!
Once I finally accepted that I’d changed, I made all sorts of promises to myself. . . to eat ‘better,’ to exercise, to do whatever it took to get back to my former glory.
And I broke every one of those promises for a long time.
To put this in context, I’m maniacal about keeping promises to others! I never use the ‘p’ word unless I know, short of an act of God or emergency, that I can keep my promise. Yet I had no trouble letting myself down time after time. Why?
I’m still not sure, but I think it was due to a lack of self-acceptance. I think I was still channeling Dr. Konigswasser. Still resenting being human because of the needs/frailties that come with it. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist persists.”
That being written, I’m a few years into changing the way I eat. I’m not perfect at it, and I suspect that even if I were, I still couldn’t capture my ‘former’ self. But I can be a healthier version of Anny, and protect against certain future changes.
Turns out acceptance is powerful mojo. The more I succeed at my realistic goals, the more empowered I feel, which allows me to keep more promises to myself than ever before. This includes getting back in to the gym after decades of avoiding it. Don’t applaud yet, it’s only been a few weeks. However, I do like water aerobics! Who knew?
Do you keep the promises you make to yourself? If so, what’s your secret? If not, what do you think is holding you back?
Feel free to forward this letter on to anyone you think might enjoy it.
Purple Passion of the Fortnight:
Wish my gym had one of these!
Posted in Empowerment, Self-Acceptance by anny with no comments yet.